how to know if a shy guy likes you without talking

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Shy guys are extremely secretive and can be very hard to read. In general, they play by a different set of rules, mainly because they don't know what the rules are or because they are too self-conscious.

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Don't ask him outright if he likes you. Confrontation makes shy guys nervous. Not only will he deny that he's interested, but he'll probably also begin avoiding you afterwards out of embarrassment. Always use subtle techniques when interacting with a shy guy.
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Don't ask his friends if he likes you. Shy guys' top priority is secrecy. If a shy guy likes you, it's extremely likely that he hasn't told anyone and doesn't intend to.
- Asking his friends has a very serious downside: You may be given bad information about whether or not he likes you. Because he's shy and doesn't express his feelings often, you might get the idea that he's not interested when he actually is.
- Asking his friends also has the downside of putting the ball in his court. When he knows — or guesses — that you like him, he's going to think that you want him to ask you out. This makes him feel pressured. As frustrating as it may be, you're going to have to do a lot of the work here, helping him feel relaxed along the way.
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Compare his behavior toward you with his behavior toward others. Shy guys' behavior can be so strange that it might not make sense on its own. Instead of only analyzing his behavior when he's around you, compare it to how he acts around others. Remember, guys are guys - they will act like guys around their friends, but when it comes to just the two of you talking, he will think before he speaks, tend to be nicer, and will find a way to make you laugh. Look for anything he does extra around you – whether it's good or bad. Is he extra nice? Extra quiet? Extra nervous? Extra irritable? If he treats you differently than everyone else, he definitely has strong feelings of some sort for you.^[1]
- Does he get really quiet around you? His inability to talk might be nervousness: He's got a crush on you, and he's so afraid of saying something weird or stupid that he's told himself it's better just not to talk when you're around.
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Read his body language . However, instead of looking for the usual flirting behavior (ex. getting near you, touching you, and other look-at-me body language), watch for signs that he's uncomfortable around you. If he looks down, crosses his arms, avoids eye contact, or makes nervous gestures more than usual when he's with you, chances are that he's making an extra effort to hide his interest in you.^[2]
- Does he fidget with his hands, clothes, or his hair when you talk to him? These things are definitely a sign of nervousness; talking to you makes him so flustered that he can't keep still.
- Does he sweat or perspire around you? Sweating is another sign of nervousness. Sweating is an involuntary bodily function, and if he could control it, he would. But he can't, so his forehead and underarms are likely to bead up.
- Does he blush or gulp a lot around you? Blushing can be tough to see, but on some guys it's obvious: His face lights up and he looks like he's just run a mile. Gulping is a sign that he knows he needs to say something but can't find the exact words, or any words, to say.
- Is he around you often, but never close to you? It could be that he savors being near you, but doesn't want to tip his hand by being close to you. If he's always somewhere close, but never close enough, he might be as hopelessly drawn to you as you are to him.
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Try to catch him looking at you. Since shy guys suppress their feelings so much more than other guys, keeping their interest a secret and sometimes avoiding their crushes altogether, they often steal glances to make up for it. Watch him from your peripheral vision to see if he stares at you when he thinks you're not looking. If he does it more than once, he's definitely interested. Be careful, though: if you look at him and he turns away immediately, he is totally embarrassed. Smile at him if you want to give him hope.^[3] ^[4]
- At the same time, does he avoid looking at you altogether? Even shy guys look at girls some of the time. If he consistently avoids looking at you, it could be that he doesn't want you to notice his secret feelings. Notice whether he looks at other girls to find out if he acts like that in general or just around you.
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Pay attention to the way he talks to you. Everybody gets nervous when chatting with the person they like, but for shy guys, it's even worse; usually, they will give you either short, quiet, possibly even snappy answers or they'll speak very quickly and ramble on out of sheer panic. Again, note whether or not his speaking is extra awkward around you compared to around other people.
- Does he give you short "yes" or "no" answers and refuse to elaborate? It's not that he's not interested in the conversation; it's that he's too interested in the conversation and doesn't want to say anything that might reveal his affection for you.
- Is he more confident around his friends? His friends offer him a little bit of psychological support. He still doesn't want to mess up in front of you, but he's a little more willing to engage in conversation.
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See if he makes friends with your friends. It's not necessarily that he likes your friends, it's that he wants an excuse to be closer to you, and he wants to be able to hear about you from the people who know you best. Especially if he makes friends with all of your friends and not with you, it could mean that he's crushing.^[5]
- With this scenario, make sure he's not flirting with your friends. If he is, it could be that he genuinely likes one of them and not you. On the other hand, he could just be flirting in order to show you that he can impress other girls.
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Ask him to do you a favor. Though shy guys will avoid actively pursuing whoever they're interested in, they will often do things passively to show that they care. If he likes you, chances are he'll be willing to take time out of whatever he's doing to help you — sometimes over and over again. However, do not abuse your power over him. This is an especially cruel thing to do to a shy guy; in fact, maybe the reason he's so shy in the first place is because he's used to being treated badly.^[6]
- Calmly and sweetly ask him to carry your books or your backpack for you to the next class. If you need an excuse (you don't, you can just ask him), tell him that your back is hurting you and you don't want to make it worse.
- Ask him to help you out with hard homework problems. If he's not great at math, don't ask him to help you out with geometry — it'll only make him more nervous. Find out what he's good at and ask him to explain something to you.
- Ask him to trade something yummy that he brought for lunch. Maybe he brought some jelly beans and you notice them in the cafeteria. Ask him for some jelly beans in return for a toffee apple or something sweet. If he grants your wish without hesitation, it's a good sign.
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Pay him a nice compliment and see how he reacts. ^[7] The compliment doesn't have to be over the top — a "good job on your report" or "Hey, thanks for helping me with my math!" will do. You may find it hard to compliment him, especially if you're shy yourself, but this will go a long way toward making him feel more secure around you and letting you know if he likes you. The most important part to look for is his reaction:
- He likes you reaction:
  - He stammers, clams up, or gets visibly embarrassed or even more shy
  - He pays you back a compliment of his own, even if it's a little bit awkward
- He doesn't like you reaction:
  - He doesn't seem phased or affected by the compliment at all
  - He reacts with obvious displeasure or disappointment
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Talk to him online. A lot of shy guys feel more comfortable writing from behind a screen than speaking face-to-face. Try to initiate a conversation with him on Facebook, Twitter or Skype and use these tips to tell if he's flirting with you online.^[8]
- If he sends you a Facebook request, that's a great sign. Hold out sending the request yourself if you just met him. Wait and see if he does it. Guys usually can do over the internet what they can't in person. And he definitely wants to get to know you if he sends that request.
- If he's really talkative online, and enjoys sharing things with you, it's because he relishes the chance to talk with you, but wants to control the situation. He feels more in control now that he doesn't have to worry how he comes off in person.
- Ask him questions and see if he asks questions in return. Shy guys are usually pretty good about asking questions (they don't want to have to talk all the time). If he consistently asks you about your past, about your goals, or simply about your day, take it as a good sign.
- Don't keep your conversations just on the internet. It's fine to begin talking to him online or in texts, but eventually, you're going to need to approach him and try to get him to open up in person. Otherwise, he'll get too comfortable with the internet and might need extra courage to make the move in person.
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Start interacting with him in his element. Shy guys often feel at odds with the world — like it's moving at one speed and they're moving at another. This can make basic things like talking to people at school painfully hard. But chances are that a shy guy will have a "safe place" where he feels completely at home. If you can find that place and make yourself welcome, that's the first step in becoming more than just friends.
- What is that special place? It depends on the guy! For some guys it's the soccer field, for others it's the library. Find out what he loves to do the most and work your way into his comfort zone.
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Be comfortable staying friends at first. Shy guys will stay in the friend zone for painfully long periods of time, agonizing about the pros and cons of asking you out. For them, the friend zone is a happy medium. They get to be near and talk to you, but they don't have to risk anything by asking you out. This is a low risk bet for them, and lots of shy guys love it.
- Don't get discouraged, and don't believe someone who says you can't date him after you've befriended him. It's simply not true. You are the master of your own universe.
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Pay attention to your own body language. You tried to read his body language to see if he liked you; now it's time to investigate your own body language to see if you're sending him the right signs.^[9] The trick is communicating openness to him, not someone who's closed off:
- Communicate openness by smiling, taking off your headphones, talking to people around you, smiling at strangers, and laughing when you feel like it. This subconsciously tells him — It's okay, I don't bite!
- If you're stooped over your laptop in a corner, with your headphones on, and ignore other people, he's going to be petrified about approaching you. Avoid "closed off" body language at all costs!
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Be patient while he comes to you. ^[10] The best case scenario is that you show enough interest in him that he finally sucks it up and asks you out. Then you'll know that he's into you and won't be second-guessing yourself for the entire time you're dating. If you're engaging him in his element, establishing a friendship, manicuring your body language, and staying patient, he will ask you out if he likes you. It's only a matter of time.
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If all else fails, ask him out yourself. You can send him as many notes in class as you want, or lick your lips so often that it tastes like you're eating lip gloss. But sometimes a guy is just so shy or plain oblivious that the only thing to do is ask him out. Don't worry — it's not the end of the world, and plenty of beautiful, smart, and eligible women have done it. If you like him, it doesn't really matter who asks out whom, as long as you can share the sunlight together at the end of the day.

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How do I attract a shy guy?

Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

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How can I break the ice with a guy who's shy?

Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Marriage & Family Therapist

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The difference between a shy guy that doesn't want to talk to you and a guy that doesn't like you is very slim. If the guy shows more of the negative signs (looking bored when talking to you, avoids you, etc.) than positive (stares, shy, etc.), then he most likely is just annoyed by or doesn't like you.

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To know if a shy guy likes you, watch if he's more nervous around you than he is around other people. You should also look at his body language for signs of nerves, like crossed arms or gesturing, which may suggest he's hiding his feelings. When he's nearby, watch out of your peripheral vision to see if he steals glances at you when you're not looking, which will show he's into you. If you want to find out how he feels towards you, ask him for a small favor, like carrying your heavy bag, since if he goes out of his way to help you he probably likes you. Alternatively, pay him a compliment, such as "Thanks for helping me with that math problem," and watch for his response. You may notice that he clams up, appears embarrassed, or stammers if he likes you. For tips on how to ask a shy guy out, read on!

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